Are you reeling in the news of an affair?

 Does your world feel like it is crumbling and you have no control on how to make it stop?

 Are you having a hard time catching your breath?

 Do you feel like you should be able to pinch yourself and wake up from this nightmare?

The betrayal and ensuing trauma of finding out that a partner has been unfaithful in an emotional and/or physical affair is devastating. Intense emotions and recurrent crises are the norm after the discovery of an infidelity. Oftentimes, the person who has discovered the affair is experiencing PTSD-like symptoms that need to be honored and attended to before the couple work can begin. This initial phase is crisis management. Please do not try to navigate this alone! Often, in desperation to alleviate pain and suffering, the partner who betrayed will disclose too much or too little in an attempt to minimize damage. Unfortunately, this often results in more trauma. An oftentimes overlooked result of infidelity is the betrayer’s feelings and emotions in this initial phase; witnessing the hurt and devastation of a cherished partner can bring intense feelings of shame and guilt. Additionally, the act of infidelity can create feelings of confusion and personal crisis for the betrayer. These feeling also need to be honored and attended to in the initial phase of counseling. Once we have the individuals in the couple stabilized, the real work of counseling begins. Using the Gottman’s 3 Phase Trust Revival Method, along with the latest research of Esther Perel, and Sue Johnson, we work to atone, attune and attach, creating a marital reinvention. It is possible to rebuild trust! Current research shows that approximately 75% of couples successfully navigate and heal from infidelity.  

Reading Recommendations:

What Makes Love Last—John Gottman After the Affair— Janis Abrahms Spring When Good People Have Affairs– Mira Kirshenbaum